1. Couple’s counseling now is a sophisticated science with practitioners who are expected to demonstrate measurable skills before becoming certified. We are not your parent’s marriage counselor. Couples work is a very different way of working than individual work. Individual therapists usually help people identify and process feelings and assist them in achieving personal goals.

Most therapists are well-meaning, but not always qualified to do couples therapy. Often the counselors who accept insurances are typically generalists who see all ages and issues – they may be highly skilled and effective in some areas but truly effective couples counseling takes years of specialized training.

At the Relationship Center we are experienced marriage and couple’s therapists who have undergone extensive training to work specifically with couples. Our residents were chosen because of their passion and dedication to working with couples.

If you are calling around, ask the counselor what percentage of their practice is devoted to seeing couples each week. Seek someone specifically trained in couples therapy, and who does it exclusively, or primarily. If you want to know how to choose a good couples therapist, choose someone with a lot of daily practice in working this way.

2. Most couples feel that the standard 45-50 minute session common for individual therapy is not enough for couples. And after many years of experience, I agree! The recommended length of sessions for effective couples therapy is 75-80 minutes. This allows sufficient time to process any conflicts that have come up since the last meeting, to gain a greater understanding of oneself and one’s partner in order to connect better emotionally with each other, and to learn new skills to manage future conflicts.

Research shows that having more frequent couples sessions in the beginning of therapy and spacing them out as couples make progress helps couples to make greater gains in their relationship and to maintain them over time. Therefore, as soon as possible, once a couple is no longer in crisis, and usually after the first three sessions, we begin to cut back the frequency of sessions from weekly to every other week, or even less, for maximum flexibility and in order to match the couple’s needs at each stage of their therapy. This gives couples time to integrate the skills they are learning into their relationship, and makes the therapy both effective and economical for most

While a 75 minute session is more expensive than a 50 minute session (because it is effectively 1 1/2 sessions), by spacing the sessions out to every other week, it actually costs less over time than shorter weekly sessions, and fewer sessions are required over all. For most couples with busy schedules and an eye towards their budget, the every other week schedule works extremely well.

3. Health insurance was created for medical purposes. Most insurers do not recognize couples counseling as a treatment issue, therefore, a mental health diagnosis for one partner is required. Any couples counselor who utilizes your health insurance will require a diagnosis. Most of us pay dearly for our medical insurance benefits. Therefore, many of us assume that we should pick a counselor from a provider list or call the insurance company for a counselor near our zip code. It may be in your best interest to slow down a bit, read up on the subject, and consider all the pros and cons of using insurance for counseling. If you start your provider search on the internet, it won’t be long before you find that many counselors, and a growing number of psychiatrists, are not on insurance panels, as well.